Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
