I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
