Dual....:-)
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
