What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
