We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
