And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
