Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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