you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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