Where did you get a picture of my penis
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
