never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
