I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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