Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
