You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
