Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
