physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
