booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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