It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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