I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
