I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
