No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
