i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she looked like the before picture.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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