we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
