Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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