He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I want is dick and wine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
