i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
