Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Please, let me fuck your mom
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
