Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
