question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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