I'm really into asian looking animals
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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