Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They left me at home... I'm a liability
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
