Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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