you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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