I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
