I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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