On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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