some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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