I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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