If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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