It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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