I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
