speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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