Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
