the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
