there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
