I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
