bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will pee on everything he values.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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