Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
