I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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