never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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