Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
