The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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