I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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