if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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