Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
