in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
