There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
