Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
