Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
