Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
