all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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