Its about making memories worth repressing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
