I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
