He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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