well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are my feet made of real feet?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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