just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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