you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
