and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
