guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
