my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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