I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
