fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
