Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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