you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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