He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
