I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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