Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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