I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
