so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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